More Heads, More Glory!
The Seismicon Presidential Expansion Project Will Add Dozens of New President Heads to the Mount Rushmore Area Over the Next Several Decades
These are troubled times, friend.
The economy is more sour than a green persimmon and terrorists nibble at our doors. We're engaged in two wars and the average American spends more time watching comic book movies than preparing for the pending crisis. Overseas, our enemies mock us by burning our flag and blowing up our armored vehicles whenever they get a clean shot.
After the death of Ronald Reagan, the massive lobbying apparatus dedicated to solidifying his legacy proposed the brilliant idea to add his head to Mount Rushmore.
Well, we here at Seismicon think we can do one step better. Why not add ALL the president heads to Mount Rushmore and the surrounding areas? With plenty of uncarved granite in the Black Hills of South Dakota, the place is a blank canvas waiting to be painted with the glory of America.
Let's face it... as long as we are going to start carving heads, we should be fair about it. Firstly, there are a heck of a lot of Presidents more deserving than Reagan, so if folks really want to carve Ronnie's head in stone, we need to carve some others first.
To name but a few:
Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Pulled America out of the Great Depression and won World War II. Even in a wheelchair, he could whoop the Gipper's ass.
James Polk. He believed in manifest destiny and had the cajones to follow through. Thanks to this bright lad, we have nothing short of the entire American West. How many new states did we get under Regan... not a one. So the next time you are stuck on the freeway in Los Angeles or looking for your umbrella in Washington, thank President Polk.
Woodrow Wilson. His progressive reforms kept America from going Commy well before Reagan supported a nuclear arms expansion program or funded a secret war in Latin America. This man needs his head carved in stone - NOW!
Chester Arthur. After the assassination of James Garfield, Arthur was sworn as President, holding the International Meridian Conference which standardized time itself. Take that, Ronald. He also passed laws that kept insane people from other countries from entering ours.
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